Ode to Masturbation by Ocean Vuong

because you

     were never holy

only beautiful

     enough

to be found

     with a hook

in your mouth
     water shook
like sparks
     as they pulled
you up
     & sometimes

your hand
     is all you have
to hold
     yourself
to this world
     because it’s

the sound
     not the prayer
that enters
     the thunder not
the lightning
     that wakes you

in lonely midnight
     sheets holy
water smeared
     between your thighs
where no man
     ever drowned

from too much
     thirst & when
is the cumshot not
     an articulation
of chewed stars
     go ahead—lift

the sugar-
     crusted thumb
& teach
     the tongue
of unbridled
     nourishment

to be lost in
     an image
is to find within it
     a door so close
your eyes

     & open reach

down with every rib
     humming
the desperation
     of unstruck
piano keys

     some call this being

human some call this
     walking but
you already know
     it’s the briefest form
of flight yes even
     the saints

remember this
     the if under every
utterance
     beneath
the breath brimmed
     like cherry blossoms

foaming into no one’s
     springtime
how often these lines
     resemble claw marks
of your brothers
     being dragged

away from you
     you whose name
not heard
     by the ear
but the smallest bones
    in the graves you

who ignite the april air
     with all your petals’
here here here who
     twist through

barbedwired light
     despite knowing

how color beckons
      decapitation
i reach down
     looking for you
in american dirt
     in towns with names

like hope
      celebration
success & sweet
      lips like money
laramie jasper
      & sanford towns

whose trees know
     the weight of history
can bend their branches
     to breaking
lines whose roots burrow
     through stones

& hard facts
      gathering
the memory of rust
      & iron
mandibles
      & amethyst yes

touch yourself
      like this part
the softest wound’s
      unhealable
hunger
      after all

the lord cut you
      here
to remind us

      where he came from
pin this antlered
     body back

to earth
      cry out

until the dark fluents
     each faceless
beast banished
     from the ark

as you scrape the salt
      off the cunt-cock
& call it

      daylight
don’t

      be afraid

to be this
      illuminated
to be so bright
      & empty
the bullets pass
      right through

you
      thinking
they have reached
     the sky
as you press
     your hand

to a blood-warm
      body
like a word

      being nailed
to its meaning
     & lives