To Whom It Definitely Concerns,
Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am resigning from the position of My Own Worst Enemy. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to lower my standards so far they could lose a limbo contest to a crumb. I’ve been honored to serve as the server at the banquet where I eat myself alive. The day I was hired I could have never imagined how many employee of the month plaques I’d acquire from breaking the standing record for standing in one’s own way.
In this position I’ve grown continuously, like bacteria in a staph infection. I had no idea that holding myself back would be contagious. I would like to have a different kind of impact on the future company I keep. The scene I made during our last team building exercise work me to the need for change. I know the young people in the office are still shook by my refusal to catch myself in the trust fall. I apologize for the gory display.
Moving forward, I’ll be pursuing opportunities in another field, preferably one where break rooms are for resting and not for breaking promises to the person I hope to become. I fully intend to replace whatever dreams I shattered when I was beating myself up. I have no idea where I learned “punching in” was a literal term. If I had known better I would have called I’m sick in the head.
I accepted this position initially because I believed it came with the very best insurance plan. How could I fall to my death from the ground floor? Over the years, however, I’ve gotten increasingly familiar with the fine print of the benefits. Turns out, there are no benefits when the co-pay of your life.
My last day as My Own Worst Enemy will be December 31, 2025. In my final two weeks I will: 1) Fire my inner critic, or at least demote it to part time 2) Assure my passions have the tools they need to unionize with my actions 3) Sit naked on the photocopy machine so there are one hundred copies of my ass to kiss when I’m gone.
Though I suspect it won’t bode well for acquiring a positive referral letter, it’s important I state that I’m unwilling to train a replacement in this position. It is my suggestion that the job be eliminated altogether, and that no future person take on the task. If I can aid in the transition, please let me know.
Sincerely,
AW Kim
New Moon
How much it must bear on its back,
a great ball of blue shadow,
yet somehow it shines, keeps up
an appearance. For hours tonight,
I walk beneath it, learning.
I want to be better at carrying sorrow.
If my face is a mask, formed over
the shadows that fill me,
may I smile on the world like the moon.
Ted Kooser
