1. Grateful my Intuition gets things right, even when i don’t.
I knew I wasn't ready, so I took preemptive measures to try to prevent a regrettable outcome, but my impatience, idealism, and shadow struck hard in tandem and sabotaged, yet again.
How to unravel being mortified and frustrated beyond belief in the midst of grieving?
MORE YOGA. MORE MEDITATION. MORE DRINKING. MORE NUMBING OUT.
I honestly don't know. Too much cancelling out the progress in that mix for my comfort.
Goodgod please help me do better at honoring and trusting myself.
#iamonlypartfoolio #PERSEVEREMYLOVE
2. Thank you for the willingness to face my fears and check my ego.
Humble pie still sucks ass.
Perhaps it's an acquired taste?
#tolookwithoutfear #momaondeck
3. Cultivating Patience
Wait
Wait, for now.Distrust everything if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven’t they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become interesting.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again;
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. The desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.
Wait.
Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a little and listen:
music of hair,
music of pain,
music of looms weaving our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.
Galway Kinnell
4. musicalMood
5. Give Yourself Some Flowers
And in the beginning,
God gave your body
a checklist:
Keep your heart
on beat
and your lungs
dancing with oxygen,
not passive to air.
Make sure
the path of your blood
slows down
for checkpoints
and avoids
bumps
in the road.
Train your nerves
to keep a balanced pace
and stay within
the lines
of steady flow.
Push forward
without putting
too much
pressure
on movement.
Remember
to return to water
when your spirit
and its frame
are in drought.
Treat your body
like a well-rounded planet
built for all seasons,
or pretend you are
an adaptable star:
Float in the black
and stay there
if you need to,
save some light
for yourself.
In other words,
rest like the sun does:
Schedule some time
to stay out of sight
when too many people
praise warm energy.
Keep in mind
all of these things
when depression
tells you
nothing is working.
Keep in mind
all of these things
when it tells you
there is no
invisible force
connecting us,
when your veins
are stopped by blood clots,
when your bones are dry,
and the water
is too quick to boil.
Keep in mind
all of these things
when it tells you
that the soul is like the body:
Made to be broken,
open to deterioration
and doubt. Yes,
keep in mind
all of these things
and remember:
Even when it
seems like
the clock isn’t ticking,
you were made perfectly
for this moment
in time.
Marcus Amaker
And in the beginning,
God gave your body
a checklist:
Keep your heart
on beat
and your lungs
dancing with oxygen,
not passive to air.
Make sure
the path of your blood
slows down
for checkpoints
and avoids
bumps
in the road.
Train your nerves
to keep a balanced pace
and stay within
the lines
of steady flow.
Push forward
without putting
too much
pressure
on movement.
Remember
to return to water
when your spirit
and its frame
are in drought.
Treat your body
like a well-rounded planet
built for all seasons,
or pretend you are
an adaptable star:
Float in the black
and stay there
if you need to,
save some light
for yourself.
In other words,
rest like the sun does:
Schedule some time
to stay out of sight
when too many people
praise warm energy.
Keep in mind
all of these things
when depression
tells you
nothing is working.
Keep in mind
all of these things
when it tells you
there is no
invisible force
connecting us,
when your veins
are stopped by blood clots,
when your bones are dry,
and the water
is too quick to boil.
Keep in mind
all of these things
when it tells you
that the soul is like the body:
Made to be broken,
open to deterioration
and doubt. Yes,
keep in mind
all of these things
and remember:
Even when it
seems like
the clock isn’t ticking,
you were made perfectly
for this moment
in time.
Marcus Amaker
6. letting shit go
“In the face of an obstacle which it is impossible to overcome, stubbornness is stupid. If I persist in beating my fist against a stone wall, my freedom exhausts itself in this useless gesture without succeeding in giving itself a content. It debases itself in a vain contingency. Yet, there is hardly a sadder virtue than resignation. It transforms into phantoms and contingent reveries projects which had at the beginning been set up as will and freedom. A young man has hoped for a happy or useful or glorious life. If the man he has become looks upon these miscarried attempts of his adolescence with disillusioned indifference, there they are, forever frozen in the dead past. When an effort fails, one declares bitterly that he has lost time and wasted his powers. The failure condemns that whole part of ourselves which we had engaged in the effort. It was to escape this dilemma that the Stoics preached indifference. We could indeed assert our freedom against all constraint if we agreed to renounce the particularity of our projects. If a door refuses to open, let us accept not opening it and there we are free. But by doing that, one manages only to save an abstract notion of freedom. It is emptied of all content and all truth. The power of man ceases to be limited because it is annulled. It is the particularity of the project which determines the limitation of the power, but it is also what gives the project its content and permits it to be set up. There are people who are filled with such horror at the idea of a defeat that they keep themselves from ever doing anything. But no one would dream of considering this gloomy passivity as the triumph of freedom”
― Simone de Beauvoir, The Ethics of Ambiguity7. Finally shed some tears today.
Brought this piece by Thich Nhat Hanh to mind.
