By Heart
I made myself imagine that I didn’t love you,
that your face was ordinary to me. This was in our house
when you were out, secret, guessing what such difference
would be like, never to have known your touch,
your taste. Then I went out and passed the places
where we'd go, without you there, pretending that I could.
Making believe I could, I tried to blot out longing,
or regret, when someone looked like you, head down,
laughing, running away from me behind a veil of rain.
So it was strange to see you, just ahead of me,
as I trailed up the hill, thinking how I can't unlearn
the words I've got by heart, or dream your name away,
and shouting it, involuntarily, three times, until
you turned and smiled. Love makes buildings home
and out of dreary weather, sometimes, rainbows come.
Carol Ann Duffy
