"I didn't know how to be real, how to tell the truth: that was the heart of the matter. My whole sense of reality was tied into deception, built into the facades. To be honest would have meant dismantling the whole structure, all the assumptions and impressions about myself I'd worked so hard to create: I'm together, in control; I'm the person you want me to be. To tell the truth would have meant disclosing my full self, owning up to the flaws and imperfections and depths of confusion I was too ashamed to reveal: I am not in control at all; I am deeply fucked up....it's like like living in a house of cards, and feeling that if you remove one of them, own up to one lie, the whole thing will crumble around you. "
"the gift of desperation"
"Stop suffering. Stop being so self-destrutive. Stop killing yourself."
"This is all a giant procrastination and you must deal with it. You must."
"Insight is almost always a rearrangement of fact."
"I wonder if my death will be liberating for you."
"You get so used to being a passive participant in your own life, so used to being entrenched in the same grey rituals and patterns that even the most trivial action....seems useless and overwhelming"
"growth comes from the inside out, from trying and failing and trying again."
"Anxiety looms....Sadness and shame wash up....feeling of rage surface."
"Another moment gotten through without ______. Another emotional muscle flexed."
